A Step of Faith

Today has been quite a day. It's been a good day but I seem to have crammed in more living than is usual. I don't really know where to begin. Chronological order would probably be easiest for you but I don't know if I'll get it all done tonight - it's past bedtime and I'm just about to have supper and settle down for the night.

There are two things you need to know:

1) I have Atypical Bipolar Disorder. I tend to lean more to the depressed side than the manic.

2) My mother has cancer. We heard yesterday that they've found 'something suspicious' in her ribs and she'll be going into hospital soon for further investigations.

Do you know ... I'm sleepy so I'm just going to post some of an email I sent earlier this evening. Why reinvent the wheel? What happened is that a friend sent me the most adorable, huggable teddy bear. And here's what I wrote in that email:

"I nearly missed the note Angie had slipped into the bag of books. Apparently she was praying for me and my family a few weeks ago and asking what she could do from so far away and it just popped into her head that she should send me a 'Bear Hug' in the form of a teddy bear. She shrugged it off as a silly, cheesy gesture but the idea kept niggling away at her until she gave in and sent Mr Bear Hug to me. She'd expected the parcel to arrive sooner but had been trusting God to make sure it arrived at just the right time.

Now, I've been praying and begging for some kind of sign to show me that God's real. I needed something tangible that I could point to and say 'I believe in God because ...' I've been telling God: 'I'm willing to believe in You but You have to give me something to hold onto because I can't do it on my own. And I don't understand ... if You love me and want to be in my life then why can't you just give me some sign?' That's what I've been praying over and over and over again.

I believe that God told Angie to send me a bear and helped her choose the right one and got it here at the right time. It feels like Angie and God planned this together, just like two friends doing something for a mutual friend who's going through a tough time. And I have my something tangible. Because every time I touch my bear (and I touch him often 'cause he feels so good under my hands) I remember and know that God sent him to me.

I guess this all might sound completely off the wall but I feel *so* much peace. My situation hasn't changed - my mum's still sick and I still have Bipolar - but I have what I need. And that feels so very good."

Meantime, a Christian blogger and I have been corresponding. She asked me to put away the decorations of alternative faiths - statues, necklaces, etc. And I have. They're waiting to go out in tomorrow's rubbish. It's hard to throw away things that have been precious to me. Harder still not to recycle them in some way. But the 'gods' of those alternatives didn't send me a Bear Hug. And I want to sleep with a clean conscience tonight.